World of Warcraft is everything that is wrong with the video game.

Yes, it's true. This game makes Halo look like it caters to European intellectuals.

"Oh, but Ghetto, don't make fun of the World of Warcraft and its subscribers! You're just a nonconformist who needs to understand computer games which babysit their player base, wreck your social life, and give your body a fresh coat of fat are the wave of the future!" Look, ladies: World of Warcraft is easily the best MMORPG of all time. You can tout your Everquests, you can shit your diapers over Second Life, nothing else even comes close. But it won't change the fact (yes, it's a fact) that the genre is flawed by the stinging notion that you will never come to a satisfying end and that the actual gameplay is decided upon who has the most graphically intensive sword. And of course, the person who gets this sword is the one who poured the most time into this second job.

There's no way in hell I would play this game. But that doesn't mean fan favorite Mike_LowELL has anything better to do, and he has graciously offered to chronicle his adventures in internet hell. Since he watched me play the game twice before, he already has a certain idea of what to expect.

my name is mike lowell n this is my guide

1. GETTING START'ED

so guys I didn't get the playstation 3 I wanted (it has a bigger p3nis than the wii wii) but my mom got Warcraft III because the kid at wal-mart told her it was a godly get. i beat the sh1t out of the guy that works their so he probably told her so i would become one of those fat idiots on The Biggest Loser AND THEN he could get revenge. oh well if I have 2 play this game 2 get the lvl 60 rouge of my dream's (blonde girl with tits an sex) ill play World of Warcraft III.

1. Download the Patches

my friend told me that columbus went to the new world and when he came back WoW3 was still downloading the patch so I need 2 to make sure i patch the game 1st. and the first thing i noticed is that the terms of use r really fuckin lame. I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDNT WRIGHT THIS BLIZZERD IS JUST NAZI GAYS

so after i do agre not to modify file's which blizzerd says i could ruin by improving (like this sh1t game) i download'ed patch and its like "CONGRATULATIONS U DOWNLOADED A PATCH NOW SUBSCRIBE, MOTHA FUCKAA" and I had 2 listen 2 the black guy or he would get revenge 4 the time we threw the only black guy out of nebraska. i wasnt alive when that happen'ed

2/ Creating an acount

After an hour of trying 2 break into ghetto gaylord's old account i decid'ed 2 make my own. i couldn't find my home phone number so i made sure Blizzard wouldn't find out I was a dumbsh1t

but i was worri'ed blizzard would get mad about me putting my nickname in my account infermation so i had 2 make sure on the battle.net forum's it was okay (their all FAGG0TSZ):

with that settled, then come's what i'm sure will be the hardest thing about playing this game; explaining to my mom that i need 2 pay monthly. money wouldnt be a problem but i live on a farm and dad keeps giving the chickens metamucil to sh1t egg's faster but it makes all the egg's SH!T.

3. cratering a character

i liked backstabbing people on warcraft III so it was natural that I would want to play a Rouge. also I made an undead character and he was ugley enough 2 be an adam morrison lookalike...for those of u who don't know adam morrison is an nba player who is larry bird's son. he may be godly at a$$ketball but at least i don't have diabetes.

k ill get back 2 u later on this guide i'm gonna go play n see why the fuck u idiet's like this game u fucken F U C Ks. I mean what the fuk blizzard whoever writes ur code of c0ckduct is a RETARD'ED!

Next: UNDEDA STARTING AREA

GTFO OF MY SITE!!!!!!

© 2006 by "Ghetto Overlord". Credit will be given when necessary, and I'd expect the same from you. We're all professional here; you can be hatin, but don't be stealin.