Remember how Bayonetta was supposed to ride word of mouth towards redefining the genre?  Tough to do that when your opening week in the Western World is summed as “We got outsold by Darksiders!?”

What to blame?  Examine the sentiments scribed by Gus Mastrapa of Wired:

Playing Bayonetta made me feel genuinely embarrassed, and not for the pushy sexiness. It was everything else: the sounds, words and scenery draped all around the woman. The tired biblical allusions, the feigned trench coat cool and the towering, but ultimately hollow architectural wonder didn’t just bore me to tears — they offended me.

I don’t care how brilliant Bayonetta’s button mashing is. It doesn’t matter to me that Chris was pleasantly surprised by the way the game plays with conventions. I gave Bayonetta her chance and now I know where I stand: I don’t want to be seen in public with her, let alone her tacky friends.

Know how Starcraft fans hate Warcraft’s vivid colors?  How long-time Zelda fans hated The Wind Waker?  Well, Bayonetta’s sexuality wouldn’t be out of place in Pink’s music.  She careens through sixteenth-century architecture with firearms strapped to her feet, and mauls the larger baddies with her hair. Welcome to another edition of “This is gay, yo.”

Remind anyone of another Japanese title that mocked its genre while employing deeper gameplay than the norm, was well-reviewed, and sold poorly like Bayonetta probably will?

Earthbound: The game that mocked your struggle against pallete swaps of Pack Rat by boasting a cup of coffee as one of its most feared enemies.  When it was released in 1994, Final Fantasy VI had just become the benchmark for storytelling in a console game, the crown in a Super Nintendo role-playing lineup that was setting the system apart from the Sega Genesis.  And here was Earthbound tearing apart a genre that had gone unchanged since Dragon Quest.

And despite selling poorly, Earthbound was right. We just managed to roll through a decade that the Japanese Role-Playing Game embraced its clichés a bit too tight.

Meanwhile, Bayonetta is a scathing criticism of modern beat ‘em ups, a mess of Dragon Ball Z characters who use quick-time events to slam a garage door on a dragon’s head.  And people are embarrassed to play Bayonetta?  Anyone notice that God of War II’s opening level pits you against the Colossus of Rhodes?  A bronze statue that slams his foot through a building onto Kratos, only to be thrown flat on his ass because the player pressed Circle fast enough?  Nobody laughed at that?  It felt like the baby steps in a bad horror movie, an axe murderer putting holes through the top of a getaway car when it seemed the good guys made it out.

Gaming needs titles like Bayonetta and Earthbound to remind us of our complacency.  Why?  Played a first-person shooter lately?  Most of the characters wouldn’t be out of place on the front cover of a bodybuilding magazine.  Seen the latest one?  It’s called Quantum Theory.  No, it is not the Japanese-developed sequel to Gears of War.

Anyone up for eviscerating the first-person shooter?  I’ll buy three of any game you put out.

Yes, I played the Bayonetta demo.  Yes, the game is a jaw-dropper.  This despite a Playstation 3 version where framerates took a noticable hit during cutscenes.  According to the internet, issues also include screen-tearing, muddy graphics, washed-out colors, and a lack of tissues.

In other words, Sega ported Platinum Games’ X-Box iteration and ruined the hell out of it.  The reception is so vicious that it borders on hilarity.  Amidst “can’t tell if serious” calls to boycott the game (not the Playstation 3 version, the game), Jim Sterling of Destructoid footed kinder criticism:

Now for the messy stuff. I’m going to get this out of the way right now: Bayonetta is clearly inferior on the PS3. Right from the outset, somebody who has played both demos will notice the difference. The colors are more faded and the contrast less defined on the PS3, with graphics that lack the vivid sheen that the 360 version has. It’s certainly no dealbreaker, but the color is quite noticeably drained and it’s hard to go from the 360 to the PS3 without it poking you in the eyes.

…

The issues with the PS3 version are obviously far more noticeable to somebody who has played through both demos multiple times, but even a first-time PS3 player should be able to spot the framerate problems and muddy graphics. Of course, those in the dark will simply believe that this what Bayonetta is supposed to be like, when playing the superior version clearly demonstrates otherwise.

Don’t believe him?  Side-by-side it (click to enlarge).

I really wonder how people survived previous console wars.  You know, when competing game consoles were fundamentally different.  Sonic the Hedgehog wasn’t merely a contrast to Mario in name and gameplay, he served to highlight the sensation of speed that Nintendo technology wasn’t capable of.  Final Fantasy VII proved the giant graphic novel the Nintendo 64 couldn’t cover, but to this day loading times are for pussies. If this is the sort of cross-console pissing match that merits a phrase like “clearly inferior”, then it’s safe to say the video game industry has come a long way.