Archive for the ‘Virtua Fighter’ Category

WCG Ultimate Gamer Sing-Along Guide, Episode 2

The adventures continue!

This week’s episode:
“Kicking and Screaming”
(If you’re from outside the States, you can always torrent the episode.  Unfortunately, the World Cyber Games has yet to give this episode a place on YouTube.)

Previous Episode Guides:
“Are You Ready to Rock?”

1:27 – 1:54: I’m going on the record: The new World Cyber Games theme song is ointment compared to the old shtick.  Gotta catch ‘em all!

2:01 – It’s obvious JD’s jock persona wasn’t welcome in a gamer pad, but Robert gets a crowd pop on his return?  Man, Hitler would have gotten a welcome reception.  “Adolf, I’m so happy to see you again, great work beating JD.  Who cares if you hack to ‘get back at the Jews’?  You won the Elimination Chamber without cheating.”

2:15 – Adande: “Was the stage set up, what does it look like?
Robert: “Dude, you just feel like a star.  Like it’s ridiculous.  It’s every gamer’s dream.  I guarantee that.”
And stuff.  It’s ridiculous.  And stuff.

3:50 – Real-life challenge time!  Great job keeping me guessing.  The location is gritty, rusty, and there’s not a semblance of color anywhere.  This could be any Playstation 3 game!

4:21 – Joel Gourdin: “Virtua Fighter 5 is a 3-D fighting game where players use real-world fighting skills to physically take down their opponents.”  The montage cuts to the game’s Lucha Libre representative employing a hurricanrana.  That’s my problem with the Ultimate Fighting Championship.  Who cares about joint locks?  Pro wrestlers never tap out to that weak shit.  Brock Lesnar only tapped to a kneebar because Vince McMahon paid him off.  Fedor, you may be the “baddest man on the planet”, but until I get a corkscrew plancha out of you, you’re hardly the most complete fighter.

5:00 – Our real-life competition is a combination of karate and “I dare you to cross this line!”  Sounds like a barfight at three in the morning.  Can we get a redo?  I like that idea.

6:15 Dante: “We look over and we realize it’s like, ninety percent girls on that team.  We’ve got this in the bag, it’s already done.”  What gives, dude?  This is the second time in two shows that you’ve totally buried the fairer sex?  Are you jealous some girls sport longer hair than you? I’m calling a mulligan on this one.  Swoozie made the comment.  You win this battle, Dante!

7:07 – Dante: “I have a martial arts background and I believe I’m the most physically-fit.  I mean, look at all the rest of the people that are here.”
7:19 – And Dante’s first straight punch of the challenge is a cross between a clothesline and a fat dude slipping on a Dance Dance Revolution pad.

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Saturday, March 21st, 2009