Origin of: Named after Europe’s Eurovision song contest, where the continent unites to vote on the quality of a country’s music based on whether or not they share a border with said country.

What it means: A four-man Warcraft III strategy where two players share their resources with the other teammates, who then advance up the tech tree for top-tier units or spellcasters.

Why it’s stupid: Yeah, this one’s easy.  Consider Protocol, the Warcraft III success story.  It emphasizes playing for an economic advantage, then using a wall of Tier 3 units to steamroll the opponent.  It may also employ hundreds of thousands of towers, collectively known as “It’s fine, learn to counter.”  In its own twisted way, “protocol” can be understood as a set of rules for engagement.  But since few people know what the term means, Protocol set the precedent.  In their own mind, the average dumbass now had carte blanche to give “their” “original” strategy an idiotic name.  Eurovision is no different than any other feeding strategy; instead of having three shitty teammates feed a single player, two shitty teammates feed two players.  It’s like walking onto a football field, claiming you have an awesome strategy nobody has ever done before, running a play-action pass and calling it “Slumdog Millionaire”.

What it means: Good luck, have fun.  You wanted a dissertation here?

Origin of: In the “good days” (probably the Clinton years, definitely prior to Halo), a cordial fellow combined the terms “good luck” and “have fun”.  This worked in the “good days”, because anger was invented during Vietnam War protests, and people had yet learned how to combine the internet with rage.

Why it’s stupid: Where “gg” signifies the end of a game, “gl hf” is synonymous with the beginning.  With the advent of true e-rage and intense online play, the term means nothing.  Unless your opponent is locked in Josef Fritzl’s basement, waiting on the next horrible moment of his or her life, “have fun” is redundant.  “Good luck”?  Name one game that ended with someone saying “Wow, my opponent won because of luck!  My hat is off to you and I accept the results!”  No.  You don’t want your opponent to have good luck.  That gives him a better chance of winning, and will probably make the game a lot less fun for you.  For once, I do not disagree with the internet’s opinion.

Origin of: When someone decided they could save time by writing two letters instead of six.

What it means: An abbreviated term for “orange juice”.  Yes, the drink.

Why it’s stupid: In the pursuit of efficient communication, Warcraft III players have embraced the term “oj”.   He who controls the army of orange will learn to enjoy the term.  Do not ask your teammates why they choose to axe typing time at the cost of sounding like a complete retard.  They will go on a long-winded rant against your sexuality, lose their army while they were typing, and then blame you for ruining their lives.  The next time someone calls me by the phrase “o.j.”, their next words will be “WTF OJ WHY ARE U KILLING ME?”

Origin of: Article on the Death Knight, as found in the Battle.net strategy guide for Warcraft III.

What it means: From said article: “Some jokingly refer to him as the healing Knight because 3 of his abilities (Death Coil, Death Pact, Unholy Aura) can be used to heal damage. The Death Knight’s Death Coil ability makes him useful for healing units and for attacking other Heroes. His Unholy Aura ability makes him helpful in large allied games where his aura can help a lot of units.”

Why it’s stupid: There are so many things wrong with the article you’d have to wonder if Sarah Palin wrote the damn thing. Gems include “[h]e can be easily killed” (the Death Knight is exceptionally durable and mobile), “typically the second Hero built by Undead players” (Unholy Aura makes him the choice as the lead hero). I could understand if the Paladin earned this nickname on the merits of his defensive play, but the Death Knight is his “evil twin”, i.e. designed for offense. The only time I’ve ever heard Secretariat mentioned as the “Healing Knight” is when someone links to the page and declares the author a fucking moron.

Origin of: Derived from the practice of playing sheet music on-the-fly, and unrehearsed. Used in the rhythm-gaming community long before Guitar Hero caught wind.

What it means: The first time you play through a note chart, reading it on first sight. I can’t make that any more exciting than it sounds.

Why it’s stupid: The culture of rhythm gaming is built around the idea that you totally nailed Dragonforce before failing out on Slow Ride. Therefore, players refer to their horrible scores as “sightreads” to absolve responsibility for them. It’s like playing on an unfamiliar basketball court and claiming your airballs were all part of “sightreading” the hoop.

Example

When I read that, this is what I see: